My Rising

"Can't see nothin' in front of me
Can't see nothin' comin' up behind
Make my way through this darkness
Can't feel nothin' but this chain that binds
Lost track of how far I've gone,
How far I've gone, how high I've climbed
On my back's a 60 pound stone,
On my shoulder 1/2 mile of line...

Come on up for the rising,
come on up, lay your hands in mine
come on up for the Rising
Come on up for the Rising tonight.
-Bruce Springsteen, The Rising

I thought the worst thing that had happened to me was my husband leaving me for someone else with no
warning...it's almost 2 years later and I realize I was wrong...what really went wrong was letting myself slip away from
me, my friends, my God, my family, my soul.

I woke up this year. It was scary at first. The questions I am asking don't have
answers...the time that has passed isn't retrieveable...there is no quick fix. At first I just panicked, and felt anxious...then I became a little depressed. The questions...didn't go away...needing distractions....give me stomach pain, give me sports,
give me food, give me wine, give me RELIEF...LISTEN TO ME...but it was quiet. The quiet lasted a long time.

There was only one voice...some say they don't think you can hear this Voice, but I know the comfort of the words going through my head when I called out. I decided to trust those words...then the same words came to me in my devotional book, on my internet daily words, at church on a Sunday in the middle of my quiet...Debby..DO NOT FEAR. DO NOT WORRY. I AM WITH YOU. Every single day of August these words came to me some way.

I want my soul back. There is a huge longing in me that needs a seashore, a mountain, an island...escape you are thinking...a month ago, yes. But today, it's a bit different...it's the connection - it's having enough inner quiet to sit still, to pick up a pen and write, to hear the doves in the backyard...to listen to music and FEEL something...

Slowwwwly, the quiet has been working...and peace is coming. The questions don't need answers. My Rising is under way.